Inspiration
by Roxal
Summary: A sappy romance, if nothing else, was materializing on the screen. Warnings: Language. Status: Complete. [SoraRiku]
1. Inspired

It's 1am and I've been bored lately. So I write. I write about nothing in particular, just abstract thoughts and ramblings about nothing. Occasionally characters form from these thoughts, and a story begins about them in my mind. People don't really know this side of me, much less appreciate it. I guess it doesn't matter, though. I'll never be looked at as intelligent; my behavior has made sure of that. Perhaps if I calmed down I wouldn't be viewed as the adorable boy who's so sweet and kind but no too bright. I can be intelligent when I want. I guess I just don't want to. Maybe that's it: I've come to accept my role in life as the carefree child. Though I believe I've grown up way too fast. That was so much to go through at fourteen. It was a lot for all of us. But yes, I suppose I've come to accept that as well. But there are some things I just /can't/ accept.  
  
"Rrgh." Sora angrily slammed the keyboard back into its drawer. "I don't even know what the hell I'm talking about." He banged his head on the desk, then lifted it sleepily to regard the clock in the corner of the screen. "1:06. Yay. I'm not tired. Fuck. What to do now? Work on accepting things the way they are?" He laughed bitterly, quietly. Hell no, he couldn't accept things the way they were. Not when he couldn't be happy the way he wanted to, not when he couldn't be truly happy.  
  
"I wonder if Kairi's up?" He wondered aloud and reached for his phone. He didn't know what he'd talk about, but hey, at least it was something to do. He dialed the number and listened as it rang once. Twice. Thrice. Four times.  
  
"Hello?" Kairi's voice came from the other end.  
  
"Hey, babe." Sora sighed out. Boy, did he ever sound interested. He'd only been dating Kairi for about a month, but it seemed they'd tired every conversational subject out.  
  
"Sora? What're you calling so late for?" She didn't sound annoyed, but tired. And a bit confused. Sora barely ever called, especially not at 1 a.m. on a Thursday night.  
  
"I dunno. I was bored and couldn't sleep, so I figured I'd call." He leaned forward on the desk, opening a web browser and looking at random things. He was just so /enthralled/ with this conversation.  
  
"Oh. So, what's up?" She perked up a little from before, though it was still obvious that she had been sleeping.  
  
"Absolutely nothing. I feel drained and I don't know why. I can't even write." He clicked a link with mild interest. Maybe he'd find inspiration there.  
  
"Write? I didn't know you wrote, Sora." He peaked her interest. True, Sora didn't really talk about his hobby. Mostly because he didn't want others reading what he wrote, though some he posted on the web. He rarely, if ever, showed any of his work to his friends. He'd let Riku read a couple of stories, which his friend said were great, but not really anyone else. Not even Kairi.  
  
"Huh? You didn't know that? Well, I guess I've never shown you anything. I'll let you read something sometime." He idly clicked on a picture gallery. Sometimes visuals help fuel the writer's soul. Maybe he could turn a still into a story.  
  
"Why don't you read me something?" One could hear the smile in her voice. Sora was pulled back to attention and thought for a moment.  
  
"Well, uh, what sort of genre do you like?" He didn't really want to read anything out loud, especially over the phone, but he wanted her to be happy, so he'd oblige. He opened his hard drive and searched for the folder that held at least three years worth of writing.  
  
"Hm, well, I've always been fond of fantasy. And romance." She giggled and he smiled. So like Kairi. So, what story to read? Most of his stories were fantasies, involving dragons and strange beings. It had taken that turn after his adventure two years ago. Many of them were also romances; though they had always been that way.  
  
"Ok, here's one. I don't really title them, so I'm just gonna leap into it, okay?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
Sora cleared his throat, eyes scanning the first few lines of a scene. Romance. Pure fluff. Kairi would love that. "Shannon smiled at his love, a tender kiss sealing them together. He was completely mesmerized by the other, those alluring green eyes that pulled him in, that soft blonde hair that begged to be touched, skin so soft and fragile that at times he feared it would shatter. He stroked his love's hair, brushing a few strands away from the beautiful eyes. To believe that a few short days ago he'd saved the other's life. Shannon was still completely lost in how beautiful he was."  
  
"He? The guy's lost in how beautiful he is, as in he himself?" Kairi cut in, getting lost herself.  
  
"Huh? Oh, I meant 'she'. Must be more tired that I thought." Oh, smooth, Sora. You had to pick one of /those/ stories. Now he'd spend the whole time trying to remember to say "she" instead of "he". At least he gave the guy a feminine name. Sora finished reciting the first chapter of the story without any mistakes. Kairi told him it was wonderful, especially the heroic rescue. He thanked her and looked at the clock again. 1:47. Time to go to bed, or at least stop talking to her. He told her goodnight and she did the same. When he hung up, he slumped down in his chair, placing a hand on his forehead in exasperation.  
  
"Dumbass." He muttered. Why'd he pick /that/ story? He had a couple good ones with straight couples. But they weren't really as good as the others. The relationships seemed so contrived, almost forced. When he wrote about two guys, though, it just seemed natural. It was this observation which made him begin to question himself.  
  
He'd started this mental interview about three years ago. He was only thirteen, but he knew that something was, well, different about him. While all the other boys were becoming so interested in girls and dating, he preferred to just hang out with guys. At first, he just thought that it was because he was such a child at heart, but later he began to "notice" other boys. He was almost scared when he had his first crush. He couldn't stop thinking that it was wrong. But even though he knew it was wrong, he couldn't help it, and after a while he realized that even if he could help it he wouldn't want to.  
  
About a year ago Sora finally admitted to himself that he was gay. It had become comfortable now. He'd just live the way he always had, preferring men to women and blaming it on being young. So where does Kairi come into all this?  
  
When Sora was fourteen, he was still very opposed to these unwelcome feelings. He was convinced that boys should like /girls/, not other boys. He would do anything to uphold this moral in his mind, even if his body and heart told him otherwise. He then became dead-set on finding a girlfriend. He didn't just want to pull one out of thin air, so he considered who he was close to. His options were Selphie and Kairi. Selphie was just a bit too hyperactive, even for him, so he went for easy-going Kairi. She was nice, pretty, and he thought she had kind of a crush on him already.  
  
So it was settled. He would go for Kairi, trying to make her fall for him. Maybe if he had a girlfriend these feelings would go away and he'd like girls? He was just fooling himself. In his pursuit for Kairi, however, it would seem he had competition. Riku, his best friend and rival, decided that he wanted the girl as well. Sora tried to dismiss it as rivalry but couldn't shake the feeling that he /had/ to win her and that he'd probably be beaten. Riku was, after all, stronger, faster, and a bit more attractive than Sora. Plus, he had that older man thing going, even if he was only just under a year older (Sora and Riku are the same age for three months while Riku is older the rest of the time. Sora and Kairi are a month apart, Kairi being the younger.). Kairi's affections seemed torn, however, and she sent mixed signals to both boys. Maybe it was just as well. It wouldn't really matter if she loved either of them.  
  
When all the shit went down, Sora realized that he didn't love Kairi. Sure, she was a great girl, fun to hang around with and talk to, but not to love. He would soon love another anyway. But even after everything ended, even after Sora returned to Destiny Islands after finding Riku, Kairi still clung to him. He didn't really mind. After all, just because he could tell /himself/ he was gay didn't mean the whole island had to know. A year he had been absolutely sure he'd never like a girl that way, and he was the only one who knew.  
  
Sora sighed and thumped his head on the desk again. Inspiration was slipping. He had told Kairi he was drained. He knew why. It was because he felt he'd never know true happiness. He'd never wake up wrapped in the arms of another man, he'd never know what it was like to have a real kiss, not fake like those he shared with Kairi. He'd never be able to tell his crush how he really felt.  
  
Ah, his crush. Perhaps the most beautiful boy to ever set foot on Destiny Islands. Strong, lean, handsome. Sora found himself grinning stupidly at these images. He loved this boy, for what it was worth, but the other would never know. Sora idly wondered if being around him so much was good because at least he could talk to him and touch him casually, even mock-flirt with him, or if it was torture, being so close to something he'd surely never have. Even if the latter were true, though, he wouldn't be able to tear himself away from Riku. They were too close to let that happen. They were best friends. And perhaps nothing more.  
  
Sora sat up, inspiration suddenly smacking him in the face. He grinned widely and began to type. A sappy romance, if nothing else, was materializing on the screen. Sora was getting lost in his fervor, these characters seeming to control him and will what he wrote. Then, he stopped rather abruptly, in a cliffhanger, "to be continued" kind of spot. He re- read his work to check for grammar and spelling. He was proud that there were no errors. His work was perfect. He had to show someone. What time was it? 2:47. Well, it was worth a shot.  
  
He picked up the phone and dialed Riku's number. The phone rang twice before it was picked up.  
  
"What?" Came Riku's tired greeting. 


	2. Aftermath

"Come over."  
  
"What?" Riku said again, tired and now a bit confused. "Sora? It's almost 3 am. What do you want that can't wait 'til morning?" He sounded a bit annoyed.  
  
"Just come over. I want to show you something." Sora half-begged the other boy.  
  
"But I'm tired. And it's cold." Riku countered. He just wanted to go back to bed.  
  
"So? Just come. It's not the end of the world if you don't sleep tonight." He groaned.  
  
Riku gave in with a sigh. "Fine. I'll be there in a while. This better be good." He hung up and Sora leaned back in his chair, hands behind his head. He smiled in a satisfied way for a while, before panic hit. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. Why had he decided this all of a sudden? Perhaps he was just tired of waiting. Waiting and feeling helpless. It was time to act. But at 3am? Well, now is as good a time as any. Besides, Riku was already on his way.  
  
There was a light tap at the window and Sora walked over and opened it. Riku climbed through at sat next to him on his bed. He looked very tired indeed, his head bobbing slightly from fatigue. Sora noticed a draft and quickly shut his window. Damn, it /was/ cold outside!  
  
"So what did you wanna show me?" Riku asked, yawning at the end of his sentence. Sora grinned at him.  
  
"I wrote something."  
  
"Uh-huh. And you wanted me to read it at 3am when I'm barely awake enough to form coherent thoughts why?" He looked at the younger boy with mock- annoyance.  
  
"Because I'm very proud of it. I was feeling empty and I started thinking and this story just popped up out of nowhere. It's one of /those/ stories, by the way." Riku nodded and smirked. He knew full well that Sora had a penchant for writing about homosexual relationships, but he didn't really think that Sora was gay. He had a girlfriend, right? "So anyway, inspiration hit, and I wrote. I really like the way it turned out and I wanted to know what you thought of it. Sorry for waking you, I'm just impatient sometimes." Sora grinned again, trying to look innocent.  
  
Riku suppressed a laugh, merely looking down and shaking his head. "'S ok. I'll sleep tomorrow. So where is this wonderful story?" He smiled at the boy.  
  
"On the computer. I've already got it open. Just start reading." Sora motioned to the desk on the other side of the room. It was quite dark except for the blue light of the computer screen. Riku could've sworn he saw Sora's eyes flash suggestively but attributed it to the lighting and his tiredness.  
  
Riku nodded and walked over to sit in the cushioned chair. He sank into it and suddenly wanted to fall asleep again but realized that it would be rude, so he forced his eyes to stay open and began reading. It started out quite beautifully.  
  
'It was just before dusk, the time when all color was drowned in shades of gray, but now it was sunset. The vast ocean sparkled beneath the orange glow of the sun. The sky was painted with reds and violets, only small bits remaining a perfect, untouched blue.  
  
'On the beach sat a peaceful-looking boy. His dreamy eyes watched the sky while one hand dug into the sand, drawing intricate patterns before running his fingers over them to start with a fresh surface. He often sat one the beach to think, and the vivid colors of the sunset stirred his mind and imagination. He smiled and sighed heavily, leaning back into the sand. When his head touch the ground, he found himself staring directly into the eyes of another boy.  
  
'"Hey." The younger boy smiled as he sat down. The other sat up again, running a hand through his silver hair as he grinned at his friend. "What's up?" The older boy asked. The younger sighed, looking out over the ocean.  
  
'The silver-haired male noticed that his friend seemed upset. Not in a sad way, but more of a confused, torn way. "You okay?" He asked with a bit of concern. The younger boy smiled back at him, brushing a few strands of chocolate brown hair from his eyes. "It's nothing. I just..." He sighed and looked back toward the sky. "I have to tell you something, but I don't know if I should."  
  
'"Aw, you can tell me anything. You know that." The older boy smiled and draped an arm over the brunette's shoulder. The younger boy scoffed, looking down at his feet. "Anything?" He sounded doubtful, though he knew he shouldn't doubt his friend like that. They'd known each other almost their whole lives and rarely ever fought. Well, only once. But that was the past. It seemed that everything was good again between them, though the younger now had something he desperately wanted to say.  
  
'"Sure. Anything at all." The silver-haired boy's face softened. Just what exactly did his friend want to tell him? "O-okay." The younger boy took a deep breath and closed his eyes, but instead of making a verbal confession, the brunette let his lips find his friend's.'  
  
Riku continued reading, much more awake now. His eyes grew wider and smaller as he scanned down the screen. Sora watched him intently from the bed. He hoped Riku was getting the hint. It was very hard to write a story about two people of the same gender without using names. The descriptions begin to get redundant. Sora sighed, noticing that Riku was nearing the end.  
  
'The brunette smiled softly at his companion, his eyes almost glowing. The deep blue contrasted so starkly with the colorless void of dusk. "Well, I told you, h-how I feel. But you still haven't said what you think of me." His cheeks were tinged a slight pink as he stared expectantly into the other's eyes. The older boy bit his lip. He wasn't sure. Did he love the boy? And if he didn't, could he ever? The brunette waited with bated breath for an answer that would be a long time coming.'  
  
Riku closed the window and leaned back in his chair. He didn't know what to think. Sure, the story had been good, but the characters- Were they supposed to be him and Sora? His stomach tied itself in a knot; he didn't know if he should turn around and face the other yet. He didn't know what he'd say.  
  
"So," Sora tried to break the uneasy silence, "what do you think?" He was really nervous now. Normally, Riku'd immediately tell him what he thought, offering help on weak points or telling him what he really enjoyed. But now, he was just, silent.  
  
Riku sighed, still unwilling to turn around. "Y-yeah. It was- It was good. You're a great writer, Sora." Dammit, that sounded stupid! Why was he acting like such an idiot? It was probably just a coincidence that the characters fit his and Sora's descriptions. Yes, just coincidence. He took a deep breath and turned to face Sora.  
  
Shit. Sora was sitting indian-style on the edge of the bed leaning forward slightly, hands grasping his ankles. He was wearing an expression that looked as though Riku's words could build or shatter his entire world. Shit! So that /was/ his intention! Riku felt his cheeks go red and mentally thanked God it was dark.  
  
"Was it worth getting up at 3am?" Sora asked, trying to lighten the tension, but only succeeded in making himself more nervous. He chewed his lip, looking at Riku with great interest. He could tell the other was just as uncertain as he was, which was comforting and frightening at the same time. Was he afraid to say he liked him too? Or was he thinking that Sora was a freak and wanted to get the hell out of there? Sora prayed it was the former, but was fairly sure it was the latter. His heart did little flips in his chest, waiting for Riku's reply.  
  
"I-I think so. It woke me up, anyway." That was true. It had woken him up in two ways, actually. Besides pulling him out of sleep, it had awoken feelings for Sora that had long since been repressed. He /did/ like Sora, but he hadn't thought about it in a long time. Sora was with Kairi, and he didn't want to break them up. Plus, he thought that there was no way in hell that Sora could possibly be gay. Though Riku wasn't gay either. He was bi, or at least, he'd never really thought about any other guys like that. Just Sora. And he wasn't even sure /why/ he liked Sora. Well, he had a good idea. Sora was sweet and kind and drop-dead gorgeous at times. But he was a guy, and Riku couldn't shake that sense of impending doom every time he thought about Sora that way. So he stopped, and shoved those feelings deep down and tried to never let them resurface again. He even had a girlfriend for a little while. They split up because of "personality differences," or at least that was what she said. Bitch. But perhaps it was for the better.  
  
"I'm glad you think so." Sora managed a small smile. /Whyyy/ was Riku acting like this? He /must/ have gotten the hint! Right? So why didn't he /say/ something? Sora was getting agitated by all the nervousness. He wanted to just tell Riku how he felt, but he didn't want to scare him. Well, he had to do /something/. "Did I do okay with the character development?" Ah, that should get him going. Sora smiled a bit wider.  
  
Riku leaned back and folded his arms. He licked his lips and opened his mouth but quickly shut it again. He looked to the floor and then back at Sora. There was that look again. He needed to think very carefully before he spoke. "One of our English teachers gave us some very good advice. She said, 'write what you know.' If I were a writer, I'd have taken this advice to heart. I still rather like it, even if it doesn't apply to me. But you, well, if you're writing about what you feel, then you can't go wrong. If what you know is that you, uh," He looked down, his face reddening, "you 'like' me, then you did a great job with the story."  
  
Sora's heart leapt. So he /did/ know! Yes! And he didn't seem repulsed! Double yes! Sora grinned. "So, you found me out?" Riku looked up at him, a small smile gracing his lips. He nodded silently. "Well, now that we have an understanding, why don't you tell me what you /really/ think?"  
  
"I think," Riku stood and crossed the room, taking a seat next to Sora, "that it needs a sequel." Riku placed a hand on Sora's cheek, stroking it with his thumb. Sora's grin melted into a smile as Riku leaned in to place a light kiss on the other's tender lips. 


End file.
